Off-Topic Chit-Chat

_Anonymous_

Senior Member
Dec 4, 2017
17,337
13,260
Mumbai
Recvd from WA

You will die laughing !!

This was taken from the internal communications of a tourism group's office in Delhi in response to queries forwarded by their Irish counterparts in Dublin where people in RoI could post queries if they were planning on making a trip to India.

The answers are the actual responses by the tourism group's officials in Delhi, who demonstrate tolerance and an excellent sense of humor:

Hilarious!! 😁😁😆

Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow?
( Male 47 from Limerick).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (Female 28 Kerry)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Female 28 Cork)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore?(Male 22 Dublin)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Which direction is North in India? (Male 34 Dublin)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India? (Female 41 Tipperary )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (Male 20 Kilkenny)
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of…oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa, Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India? (Female 23 Kildare)
A: You’re a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all year round? (Male 30 Mayo)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (Male 18 Galway )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca . All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India? (Female 30 Dublin)
A: No, WE don’t stink in India.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? ( Male 39 Cork)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Irishmen gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (Female 60 Louth)
A: Only during Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (Male 50 Longford)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Female 33 Mayo )
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime day and night.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? ( Female 27 Waterford)
A: No, we use sand paper. We have different grades

😂🤣😂


@BMD
 
  • Haha
Reactions: SammyBoi and Amal

_Anonymous_

Senior Member
Dec 4, 2017
17,337
13,260
Mumbai
Headache & testicles:

Mickey O'Hara had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, 'Mick , the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require removing your testicles.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Mick was shocked and depressed.He wondered if he had anything to live for.

He had no choice but to go under the knife. The surgery cost him £15,000.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a Men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.'

He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new Suit.'

The elderly Tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.

Mick laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Mick tried on the suit it fitted perfectly.

As Mick admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'

Mick thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

The salesman eyed Mick and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'

Mick was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years, Sir.'

Mick tried the shirt and it fitted perfectly.

Mick walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'

Mick thought for a moment and said, 'Sure..'

The salesman said, 'Let's see..... size 36.

Mick laughed, 'Ah ha! You got it wrong this time! I've worn size 34 since I was 18..'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you hell of a headache.'
 

STEPHEN COHEN

Senior member
Dec 4, 2017
7,515
4,615
Headache & testicles:

Mickey O'Hara had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, 'Mick , the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require removing your testicles.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Mick was shocked and depressed.He wondered if he had anything to live for.

He had no choice but to go under the knife. The surgery cost him £15,000.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a Men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.'

He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new Suit.'

The elderly Tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.

Mick laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Mick tried on the suit it fitted perfectly.

As Mick admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'

Mick thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

The salesman eyed Mick and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'

Mick was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years, Sir.'

Mick tried the shirt and it fitted perfectly.

Mick walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'

Mick thought for a moment and said, 'Sure..'

The salesman said, 'Let's see..... size 36.

Mick laughed, 'Ah ha! You got it wrong this time! I've worn size 34 since I was 18..'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you hell of a headache.'

The Question is why did the Doctor
Remove his Testicles

What was his motive other than money
 

AbRaj

Senior member
Dec 6, 2017
2,490
1,829
Republic of Wadiya
https://www.reddit.com/r/Chodi/comments/ondkky
4syxnfw736c71.jpg
 

jetray

Senior member
Mar 15, 2018
2,294
1,242
India

Hydra

Senior member
May 19, 2020
3,088
1,460
Mumbai
I have warned you multiple times for posts like these. If you don't have anything worth value to add don't. Do not divert discussion.
You are misusing your privilege as admin deleting my posts and blocking me from posting in certain threads, you didn't ban certain members when they regularly posts offtopic things in no related threads. Do justice on your privileges. You banned me frm LAC thread,I was actually replying to one particular member when he blame sarkari baboos for everything,which I didn't agree. That guy is still there,now I am out from that thread. Pity you don't see all offtopic discussion in threads.
 

Ashwin

Agent_47
Staff member
Administrator
Nov 30, 2017
5,350
8,834
Bangalore
You are misusing your privilege as admin deleting my posts and blocking me from posting in certain threads, you didn't ban certain members when they regularly posts offtopic things in no related threads. Do justice on your privileges. You banned me frm LAC thread,I was actually replying to one particular member when he blame sarkari baboos for everything,which I didn't agree. That guy is still there,now I am out from that thread. Pity you don't see all offtopic discussion in threads.
Don't point fingers to what other did or not. Let's look at the above post. Was it off topic?

You constantly derail threads with one lines like above. Next time it won't be a thread ban but an infraction.
 

_Anonymous_

Senior Member
Dec 4, 2017
17,337
13,260
Mumbai